“Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.”
― David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas

I’ve been blessed with a beautiful girl named Ioana. We did not choose her name, it was there when she started to hang around me and her mom. Before she was born.

Sometime in Feburary 2009, I was driving back to Bucharest from Thesaloniki with my lovely pregnant wife when we decided it was about time to have a serious discussion about what name we should give to the newest member of our family – who was about to breathe life into this world in May or June.

Back then we were not aware of the gender so we started discussing first boy names. We nailed down 3-4 finalists and started finding counter-arguments for each of them. Then we stoped. What if we will have a baby girl? We both instantly agreed that her name will be Ioana – without having any previous discussion on the matter. I courageously said that my Ioana will be born on the 24th of May.

Fast-forward to present day, I am the happy father of a big eyes little miss born on May 24th, 2009 (shares birthdays with Bob Dylan).

Play this now, it’s our song 🙂

Little miss changed us fundamentally, in ways we could not imagine. If you’re a parent, (hopefully) you know what I’m talking about.

I always felt that she’s a bit more than my daughter. I felt a very strong connection with her as a human being, as a person. Imagining her grown-up is still my favourite exercise since before she was born. What will drive her? How would she feel about other people and about the world we live in? What would she like to work on improving our humanity? How will she protect herself when someone will hurt her? How will our conversations be when she is a young adult? Will I still be alive and breathing?

You have eyes that can see right through me
You’re not afraid of anything they’ve seen

If there is a light you can’t always see
And there is a world we can’t always be
If there is a dark that we shouldn’t doubt
And there is a light, don’t let it go out
― Song for Someone, U2- Songs of Innocence

Trust me, you don’t wanna mess with my Ioana! She’s the strongest and yet fragile person I know. She’s strong and pure as a diamond, able to speak up for herself, not limited by any rational self or society imposed boundaries. She’s fragile and emotional as a dandelion fluff that perceives and understands every wind blow, every vibe, every meaning of what your inner self wanted to say when you opened your mouth.

Sometimes she tells me things that first scare me and then make me burst in inexplicable tears. Sometimes she tells me jokes that we both laugh out loud on. But every single moment spent with her feels like I’m plugged-in into some sort of higher self that recharges my good batteries.

I’ve also noticed she does not interact like this with everyone. She makes very special picks of people that she shares her insights with. Probably she picks the ones that will understand and benefit from her thoughts.

I wonder if life on the planet of small golden fish is easier. That’s where Maïa Vidal comes from, in case you didn’t know.

There is a tribe in Africa where the birth date of a child is counted not from when they were born, nor from when they are conceived but from the day that the child was a thought in its mother’s mind. And when a woman decides that she will have a child, she goes off and sits under a tree, by herself, and she listens until she can hear the song of the child that wants to come. And after she’s heard the song of this child, she comes back to the man who will be the child’s father, and teaches it to him. And then, when they make love to physically conceive the child, some of that time they sing the song of the child, as a way to invite it. ~ source

Today is another magical day. Most probably today my son will breathe life into this world, the next person that I am so honoured to meet and accompany for as long as I should. He also told us his name but for some reason the communication with him has not been that intense as with Ioana. It’s most likely because of our clogged hearing, impaired by poisonous daily stress and failure to listen to our inner selves – stuff we need to get away from pronto!

As I was not able to find more about him yet, my concerns drift towards Ioana and my capacity to convey that love never divides, it always multiplies – a belief that I am sure she shares natively.

Judging by everything we read and people have told us, it never is easy for the first one. I don’t know if that’s necessarily true for Ioana but I will do everything that is in my power that if it is, she will not be affected by it and assure a smooth transition from menacing new baby to her beloved baby brother.

She already knows and proudly tells everyone that I’m all hers. I’m luckily also the hero that can do anything, fix everything, know all that is and is not. May seem funny and cute but it’s a huge responsibility, especially because Ioana is who she is.

Coming back to my son. I don’t know anything about him but for sure am eager to find out everything. We’re heading towards a multitude of discovery missions and I wish him only one thing, for now: have an easy accommodation!

Happy Birthday Iancu!

Related - letters to my daughter (in Romanian).

Later update